Women 101: The Mistake (Most) Women Hate
Alright guys, welcome to women 101. This is my first post and as always I’ll recommend that you guys take this as ADVICE but in NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM take this information or any other information on the blog as fact. I am speaking based on my life experience with women and what I have seen through experiences of my colleagues. I do believe what I write is very useful information but then again I must say all women are different and this is only my opinion.
Okay! Now that I got that out of the way let’s talk about a huge mistake I see a lot of guys (here in Kuwait especially) do when they’re socializing with women they first meet (or even friends that they have already made).
I like to call it the “timer” complex. I have come to naming it the “timer complex” due to several reasons which should be evident by the end of reading this post.
Most guys plan out their intentions with women. In that sense, they believe that they have a plan that they devise that they see themselves achieving within a certain time frame regarding to the woman (thus a timer, tick tock – the clock is ticking down).
There are several issues with planning your intentions with women. I can only describe this with an example. A friend of mine who shall remain anonymous was discussing what we shall call “work banter” over coffee one night in a cafe. Then, to our “surprise” (sarcasm intended) we both went silent when a stunning red head, dressed elegantly walked in with her attractive aura bringing all the eyes in the coffee shop to her as if she was TuPac Shakur coming back from the dead.
He then switched his conversation into, his plan to obtain her digits. He devised a plan that seemed to be okay as an outline of what to do. He decided that he’d get up once she got her coffee and say something completely unique, but flattering to her (I’m not a fan of random lines but to each his own right?). Then he would persuade her through what he said would be indirect body language and small talk for him to sit down. Then he would get up and get her digits before coming back to me.
It seemed simple, and like the plan was going to be a 50/50 (remember in Kuwait you can’t exactly walk up to any girl and expect a success rate like in other places as the society is quite conservative considering these things – even if she did want your number, it doesn’t necessarily mean she will act upon her desires).
Then from across the coffee shop I overheard their conversation. STEP 1 = Successful, he ran his mouth into a witty yet flattering comment. She smiled and turned red. STEP 2 = I’m not sure what he meant by indirect body language considering my observation but he managed to sit down and continue his conversation with her. Then STEP 3 = FAIL! She wouldn’t give him her number.
Now why did he fail? THE TIMER COMPLEX! This complex doesn’t only relate to this story but I’m sure many of you men will relate it to many situations you’ve been through, ESPECIALLY WITH WOMEN YOU KNOW AND HAVE COME TO FEEL STRONGLY ABOUT!
His plan was his failure, because he focused too much on his plan and wanted to reach his goal before she left…he failed in the most important aspect which was not getting her number but CONVERSATION. When you plan things out, you tend to ignore the moment and always keep that goal in mind – whether it’s subconsciously or consciously. He sat with her, and after he had done the hard part (persuading him to sit down and engage in conversation) he lost sight of his greatest asset.
That would be the moment. Most men will look into a situation and read it differently than a woman. A woman wants a man that will be able to give her adventure, humor, and a sense of mystery all packed into one. The best way to do this is a technique I call “living-in-the-moment”.
Take that goal you had and throw it out the window. Forget about getting her number. Focus on being yourself!
Women want a guy that will show no hesitation, will be confident in himself, and a man that can take control of a situation. It’s basic instinct in a woman to look for these things whether she knows that she’s doing it or not (Again, a generalization but it’s almost always true in my opinion).
Now how can living in the moment work? Living in the moment works by treating her as if she’s a friend. Don’t ask her how her day went, or if she’s xx years old, or if she’s into sports cars or jeeps. These things don’t really matter because women will take it as if you’re just another boring guy. Say what’s on your mind (granted you’re not going to say “hey I’d like to sleep with you at the first chance I get” … if you can, I salute you…you’re smooth). Ignore politics, ignore her interests because at this stage, you should make yourself be her interest without sounding like a total jack-ass.
Treat her like a friend you’ve known for ages. Talk to her about things that are on your mind. I mean yeah it’s okay to occasionally throw in “what do you do for a living?” or such typical/cliche questions especially for the first few minutes but don’t stick yourself in that situation for too long. Show her that you’re a fun guy to be around, show her that you love a great adventure, show her that no guy around her will ever be as “awesome” as you.
Before you go a try this I warn you. You don’t want to sound too obnoxious so don’t go in with the “I drive a Ferrari F450” and “I work for Ernest and Young, top management level and I’m going to be promoted to a partner next year”. No that’s not how you do it. You have to do it in a sly way. For example, if you drive a fancy car, then let her know but in a sly way. I myself drive a sports car. I don’t talk to women about it unless it comes up in conversation and then I don’t like to go on about it. Try this technique that I use. I practice (as sad as this sounds but it does need practice to get it right every time) placing my keys on the table in a subtle way that shows off the brand of the car. For example, when I sit down I’ll empty out my pockets of my pack of smokes, keys, and phone.
I drive a sports car that will remain to be mentioned so I place that first in a very sly and casual way on the table but guess what?! The emblem on the key is visible for her to see anytime she looks down at the table and she probably will glance once you put down a few things on the table. I also own an iPhone 4, and a couple of nice wallets which I keep loaded with cash.
Yes, women are actually more into personality if you can express your personality but looks and material aspects are also important too. They just lose value to the woman once she knows you brag about them. The wads of cash in my wallet are visible so it shows that I have money. The emblem of the car keys shows to the woman that I am successful and love speed (adventurous/fun) and the iPhone shows her that I’m into the latest trends and like my technology up to date.
All of this with above combined with fine dressing (not too much, dress nicely to whatever occasion you’re going to) shows her that I’m a well groomed, successful and interesting guy. Though, if you don’t live in the moment, all of that goes down the drain.
Before this post turns into a dissertation paper just remember… Live in the moment, talk to her like you’re talking to one of the guys (excluding the dick n fart jokes – excuse my French). Make it fun for you and for her. Present yourself well and you will not get negative results. If after that she does not give you her number when you ask for it, then you have two options.
1) Smile, thank her for the lovely chat and walk away because rejection will come naturally (no matter how smooth you are, you need to understand that most women are generally taken/loyal or lesbians or frankly just not interested). Don’t let it put you down though because to each his own. One woman today may not be interested in you, but one may tomorrow. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t want to be friends or try to get to know you it’s okay. Respect that decision because most likely you know people you feel the same towards.
2) You can play the smooth card by saying something like. “Alright, if you’re not interested in giving me your number” – (write your number down) and tell her “take mine, just incase you change your mind”. Alot of the times women will be testing a man on his strength or ability to control a situation. Though I don’t recommend doing this if you lack alot of confidence because the woman will just throw it away or rip it infront of your face. I’ve even seen negative comments come back because the guy looks weak doing this or ill of confidence and the woman feels offended like he’s insinuating that she’s a whore when he isn’t.
At the end of the day, you need to find your confidence and strength. You need to ignore a conversational plan and just take it step by step.
Hey, remember if she leaves before you can ask her for her number don’t sweat it. Atleast you had fun, practice your conversational skills and you never know…you might see her again and get another chance. It’s better to leave with no number than a negative impression. This does not only apply to new people you’ve just met but friends you’ve had for a while. Just rearrange the context into a situation with a person you’ve known for a while…maybe that akward time when you realize you have feelings for them and then suddenly everything gets weird? THATS THE TIMER COMPLEX! Live the moment guys, and you will not be sorry.